It can’t be torture, said the drunk at the hotel bar. We’ve waterboarded our own elite soldiers for years. It can’t be torture if our own soldiers voluntarily agree to it!

I paused for dramatic effect. The other drunks were anxiously awaiting my reply. What would the kooky-eyed liberal say?

“The difference is the word voluntary. If the blonde bartender consented to having sex with me (I winked in her general direction she didn’t notice DAMN!) then it’s fine. But if she said no and I did it anyway, that’s against the law.”

(Maybe my game would be improved if I didn’t make references to rape when trying to pick up chicks? Gotta think through this when I’m sober).

I continued. “And you can voluntarily jump off a bridge. But if I push you off a bridge against your will, it’s murder. That’s against the law too.”

“There are a host of things that you can do to yourself that may be within your rights. But if I do those very same things to you, it’s illegal.”

The drunk snickered. So torture comes down to the choice of the individual? A person can pierce his own ear, but if I force him to pierce his ear, it’s torture?

“No. If I pierced your ear against your will, that’s probably assault or something. You’re acting like everything is either torture or not torture, and there’s a ton of things that fall in different categories. If I pushed your two year old son into the pool, what would happen?”

I’d kick your ass, he said.

“But what if your own son jumped? Would you kick his ass?”

The drunk fell silent. You liberals never get it, he said. A moment later, he paid his bill and left for parts unknown in the hotel complex.

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What happens when an ultra-conservative “water boarding ain’t torture” radio host actually gets waterboarded?

How long will he last? And will his opinion change afterward?

Props to Mancow for doing it and admitting he’d been wrong.

Maybe she lied about the torture thing. Maybe she didn’t.

But what possible motivation would neo-conservatives have to blast Nancy Pelosi for knowing about it, and lying (or not doing anything as a minority member of Congress in 2003) while not being angered that Bush/Cheney approved the whole thing to begin with?

In the GOP World, lying is worse than advocating torture? Or, more accurately- the possibility of lying is worse than advocating torture?

Here’s a novel idea for all you dimwits who are too dense/partisan/stupid to know that Pelosi was tangential and irrelevant during the period we are discussing, try reading a freaking book.

Bush & Cheney approved the torture AND lied about it, committing a double whammy.

Geez, people are so stupid sometimes.

PROTIP: Investigate the whole affair. Throw Bush & Cheney under the wheels of the historical bus, and yeah, we can open up a can of whoop-ass on Pelosi as well if she lied about it. But directing hatred at Nancy Pelosi, a minor figure in the 2003 Congress and a powerless pawn in the whole Republican led cabal, makes as much sense as blaming the baby when Daddy doesn’t pay the light bill.

Goofy letter-to-the-editor in the Gainesville Times today. Since it’s always easier to pick the low hanging fruit, let’s examine this single line.

As debatable and divisive as the war in Vietnam was, did we hold a “truth hearing” to investigate and possibly prosecute wrongful behavior?

Why, yes. Yes we did.

This has been another edition of Simple Answers to Dumb Questions.

A tipster brings us a healthy dose of nuttiness courtesy of Access North Ga, which posed the question Do you think the government should allow torturing during interrogation of suspects?

74% (as of Friday night) answered YES.

So my question to all of my neo-conservative friends in these pristine Appalachian foothills is- In WWII, we executed Japanese soldiers who had waterboarded our troops. Were we wrong then, or are we wrong now?

Nobody deserves to be waterboarded, but if you volunteer…

(Hitchens did it, and he survived. )

Check out Sean Hannity commit to future waterboarding at The Huffington Post.

2002:    Tortune is illegal, disgusting, worthless, and Un-American.
2003:    Well, torture might be useful, but we don’t do it. It’s illegal and Un-American.
2004:    That wasn’t torture. That was, uh, fratenity pranks!
2005:    Torture isn’t illegal, but it doesn’t work. And uh, we don’t do it. Especially on American citizens. Just Enemy Combatants. Uh, hypothetically.
2006:    Torture works on that awesome show 24!
2007:    Torture might be okay, in certain circumstances.
2008:    Well yeah, we beat them, sexually abuse them, force them to undergo sensory deprivation, but it isn’t torture. And if it was, it would be legal.
2009:    Jesus says torture is okay!