No longer Real Deal news.

Nathan Deal is silently advocating for U.S. Citizens to give DNA samples to his newly established National Health Registry. This, he said, can be done at birth for all future citizens. Current citizens will not be able to register their DNA without a Federally issued photo ID card. These ID cards will be available in every state except Hawaii. Hawaii isn’t really a state since no one from Hawaii signed the Declaration of Independence. Deal assured the loyal members of his new Birthers Party that although he supported long form certificates of live birth as possible proof of U.S. citizenship, only a photo ID, a DNA sample, and a proper family lineage should be considered proof.

Also, future natural-born citizens will be issued a proper Christian name at random by Homeland Security computers along with the tamper proof Federal ReaL DeaL photo ID card. When these future citizens reach the age of 16, a permanent taboo will be applied to the backs of their necks. This will be a bar code and a graphic representation of the mothers DNA.

Deal says that any reasonable person will agree that the mother’s DNA, not the father’s, determines family lineage. “We can’t have all these Ghetto Grandmothers claiming Thomas Jefferson as an ancestor.” Deal went on to say that promiscuity and abortion will decline under the new laws and agencies.

“We will not have any more anchor babies popping out of illegal mothers on street corners and public restrooms.”

When confronted by a Jewish reporter, Annie Frank, ReaL Deal denied being a Nazi. “My DNA is very pure and I designed my program to be exactly the opposite of Nazism. Nazism used a number tattoo. I’m using graphics. Nazism put the tattoos on the fronts of undesirable people. My tattoos will be on the backs of desirable people. These two tattoo programs could not be more different.”

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